Domestic Violence Myths
We know what's true, because we've lived it. We've been there, to us, it wasn't just another news headline, or another story you hear, it was our reality. But sometimes, even though we've lived it, and we know what relationship violence/domestic violence is better then anyone, we may still find ourselves believing the common myths that are often heard about dv/rv.

Here are some common myths about domestic violence:

MYTH: Domestic violence is a "loss of control."
FACT: Violent behavior is a choice. Perpetrators use it to control their victims. Domestic violence is about batterers using their control, not losing their control. Their actions are very deliberate.

MYTH: The victim is responsible for the violence because she provokes it.
FACT: No one asks to be abused. And no one deserves to be abused regardless of what they say or do.

MYTH: If the victim didn't like it, she would leave.
FACT: Victims do not like the abuse. They stay in the relationship for many reasons, including fear. Most do eventually leave. And leaving is sometimes a more difficult decision to make then staying.

MYTH: Domestic violence only occurs in a small percentage of relationships.
FACT: Estimates report that domestic violence occurs in a quater to a third of all intimate relationships. This applies to heterosexual as well as same-sex relationships.


MYTH: Middle and upper class women do not get battered as frequently as poor women.
FACT: Domestic violence occurs in all socio-economical levels. Because women with money usually have more access to resources, poorer women tend to utilize community agencies, and are therefore more visible.

MYTH: Alcohol/Drugs cause battering behavior.
FACT: Although many abusive partners also abuse alcohol and/or drugs, this is not the underlying cause of the battering. Many batterers use alcohol/drugs as an excuse to explain their violence.

MYTH: Once a battered woman, always a battered woman.
FACT: While some battered women have been in more than one abusive relationship, women who receive domestic violence services are the least likely to enter another abusive relationship.

MYTH: Relationship violence doesn't occur in teen relationships.
FACT: Relationship violence can occur in any type of relationship, in ANY age group. Violence in teenage relationships is more common then people actually realize. Click here for more on dating violence.

MYTH: Women/men in domestically violent relationships are 'weak'.
FACT: Women/men in domestically violent relationships are not weak. They are trapped, and often manipulated into these relationships. Because they are in these relationships does not mean they are weak. Furthermore, it takes a great deal of strength and courage to survive a relationship that is violent.

You are not responsible for the actions of others. When someone makes the decision to be violent, the do just that, they make a decision. You are not responsible for the decisions of others. And you are not weak because you are in a situation like this. The most common misconception is that women/men in violent relationships are somehow weak. This is very untrue. We are not weak, we are among the strongest people on this earth: we are survivors.

Please remember this in the times when the misconceptions of others make you feel small or weak. You are strong. You have survived or are surviving, and that is proof of your strength.